Foonicate

QoTD: What decision changed the course of your life?

September 16, 2007 – 7:10 pm

Right before my 22nd birthday, I made the decision to be alone. This may sound self-absorbed, but it was by far the wisest decision I had ever made. Throughout my teenage and young adult years, I found myself swinging from relationship to relationship much like a monkey would branches. Due to this, I had serious codependency issues and absolutely no clue who I was as an individual. The only ‘me’ I knew was the one that was someone’s significant other.

When I ended the relationship I was in, I went through a long period of depression and loneliness. It was hard not having someone there to confide in, to hold, or to argue with. I had friends, yet none too close. I fell into writing poetry and taking up residence on a blog site, attempting to find my voice and a world that I felt comfortable in. I went back to college as an English major and practiced Voltaire’s idea of ‘cultivating one’s garden’. I spent an entire year single, paying no attention to those who showed interest in me and spending a lot of time with myself, by myself.

At the end of this period of time, I had learned more about who I was. I felt more confident, more capable, and more independent than I ever had. I set my standards for any relationship to come in the future and held to them as to ensure that I never return to the depth of codependency I had experienced. By spending time alone, I knew what I wanted out of life (which wasn’t to be an English major, mind you), in a partner, and from myself. For me, choosing to be alone was the wisest decision I have ever made. I now know that there is nothing negative about being alone; I would do it again if I felt compelled to.

There is nothing wrong with being codependent or wanting someone to share your life with. The problem lies when you lose your sense of self and cannot function without a partner. Each person was given the ability to be happy and successful alone, but too often I find people jumping into partnerships that eventually erode who they are. By the time they realize that something isn’t right, they are too jaded and blind to recognize the catalyst is within them. I had become that person and it did not suit me. Sometimes we have to make decisions that don’t feel good in order to heal ourselves. And sometimes, this is the first step to happiness.